So something terrible happened this Memorial Day weekend and Chingu bit me. It wasn't a nip or a small bite, but rather a succession of bites and they were hard enough to break skin, leave teeth marks, and draw blood. All I was doing was petting him and he attacked.
Lately he's been out of sorts and maybe I should have seen this coming. His eye sight and hearing seem to have become progressively worse, and he's more aggressive with food. He also sometimes has a look in his eyes that is vacant: the lights are on but no one is home.
I've been reading about canine dementia and its possible he might be experiencing this. He does sometimes get lost in doors, the bite indicates maybe he didn't recognize me, he's more on edge and agitated, and he will randomly bark for no reason at all. I'll discuss this all with the vet this next week, but I feel the end is near and it saddens me.
I'm not mad at Chingu and after the attack he seemed fine with me, although later he seemed frightened of me for some time. Rather it makes me sad that we've come this far and its come to this. I know he's old but no one knows how old.
We're going to do a full medical work up next week at the vet's and see whats up. We're also going to try an animal communicator. I know thats a little hokey but I'll try anything and everything to try and reach out to my little Jindo. He's the little Jindo that could and maybe he's now telling me he's the little Jindo that can't.
Talking to Gina our trainer tonight Chingu is trying to communicate something. Either he's been pushed too far in training and I need to back off and maybe we can get him some prozac to help him take off that edge, or maybe his time has come and he's trying to tell me that too.
I always felt able to help him because I felt safe around him and now I'm not so sure. Maybe he knows thats the line he can't cross and he crossed it because he has something to say.
As I contemplate what this means and what it would mean to put him down I can't help but feel that I've been a failure in this. I know I've tried hard but of course unless you succeed you may feel you didn't try hard enough. But I think I'm being unfair. I'm being unfair to Chingu. He has been a success. He has been a wonderful success who has helped me with many things. He has brought so much joy and happiness into my life and done so much for me and that should be remembered and honored. He has also come so far and worked so hard and that shouldn't be discarded either.
We have some hard decisions to make in the coming weeks and I fear that I know what I must do, but the important thing that in all of this I honor Chingu. I do whats best for him and if he's in pain and hurting then I have to let him go. I keep hoping that the problem is fixable but maybe we've gone as far as we can go and our journey is coming to a close. I hope that it isn't, but I feel the old man might be saying good bye in the best way he can.
